May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
