Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm having to shit out rocks
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