Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
