my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize