I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
