shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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