i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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