you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
