thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
