If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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