i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
