She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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