the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
