sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
