Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
