And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
