wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize