he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
