And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
