so explain again why im purple
no
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
