is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
