butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
