Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
