I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
