I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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