I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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