News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
