Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
