wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
