So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
