he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
