I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
