Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
