He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
True strength comes from lack of pants
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
