So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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