im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
