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He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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