i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
