party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
