totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
