There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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