There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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