everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
