I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
