Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
