if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
