oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
