shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
