Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
