After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
smell my finger.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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