im having a threesome with these popsicles
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
