if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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