I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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