Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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