a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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