dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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