I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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