We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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