DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
