On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize