Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I party with great urgency now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
