my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I smell like Dick and happiness
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize