idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
