don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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