You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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